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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Premium Member Azeila RoseFemale/United States Groups :iconsorunabathhouse: SorunaBathhouse
 
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Deviant for 8 Years
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Statistics 308 Deviations 20,910 Comments 48,646 Pageviews

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Rocket and Parmesan Pesto by Itti
by Itti

Mmm, now this looks fantastic. As does all of your culinary art! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you have a wonderful way of...

LLANA by blazi76
by blazi76

Well first of all I was surprised to read that this was digital art instead of traditional. Somehow you’ve managed to make your brush s...

The Truth of the Matter is....

Wed Oct 23, 2013, 3:27 AM
I'm not okay.  I'm really not.  
I've hit the lowest low I've ever felt in my life.  And that's saying something.
Oh is that saying something. 

I suffer from mental illness.  
I suffer from major chronic depression to be precise.  
And let me tell you, I suffer.

I know I'll be okay.  
I'm getting help. 

The hardest part is trying to pick up the pieces that were shattered by me when I wasn't on my medication.  
God, that's so hard to say.  It makes me sound crazy. I guess maybe I am.  
But I don't feel crazy.  I feel like a normal person who has a bad disease.  
And this disease is causing me to lose a lot.  

But I'm getting help. 
I know I'll be okay. 

The depression made me do something horrible.  It made me try to end my life. 
That wasn't me.  That drastic act of desperation, I would never do that.  
There are many things I would never do or say, but did because I literally was not in the right state of mind.  

And I have so much regret for what I did.  So much remorse. 
I'm trying so hard to pick up the pieces. 

Having mental illness causes me to second guess my emotions.  
Is it normal to feel this way?  Or is it just my depression again?

But I'm on good medication now.  
It's like night and day between how I feel when I do or do not take it.  

During this dark time, I've had so many people come to me to help me.
People have given me cards, paid for plane tickets to get home, sent me letters of support.
They've let me know that they love me.  
People I barely know have showed they care. 
It's because of them that I know I will be okay.  

I think I'm going to take a break from deviantart.  
In all of this sadness, I find that writing and drawing give me little comfort.  
I will come back though.  Because like I said, I will be okay. 

I promise I'll be okay.  
Because like I said, I have good medication and amazing friends and family who have not abandoned me.  
And I promise I'll respond to all of my messages.  
I'm sorry about the RP groups I'm in or that I help run.  
But right now I just need to take a long break.  
I'm not sure when I'll be back.  But I will be back. 

If you actually read all of this, it most likely means that you care. 
And if you care, that means so much to me.  
I have some really amazing friends on DA, and it's because of  you guys that I plan to return. 
I love you guys. 

-Azzie




  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: Say Something - A Great Big World

deviantID

Azeila
Azeila Rose
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United States
Azeila Azzie Azzwee
Born September 18th 1991
Born with a star for a heart.
Been drawing since 1993
Loves her friends and Family
Values Respect and Tolerance
Spiritual
Proud American
Wants to Travel the World.
Knows Everything... Disney...
...And Marvel...
... and almost everything DC...
...You know... the important stuff.
For the Record:
Favorite Superhero is NightCrawler
Favorite Villian is The Joker
And she love otters.
Has a love hate relationship with sleep...
Ultimate Broski is Capt-SpaceCaptain
Check her out.
Fo rizzle.
Or die.
Acting, Dancing, Drawing, Loving...
Ba Der Da Der

<3 <3 <3
I appreciate every "Thank you" even if I don't reply. :aww:

My plz Accounts:
:iconbothildra::iconkyandiplz::iconjacobmooreplz::iconalexprismaplz::iconxavplz::iconallanplz::iconconniecplz::iconliddieplz::iconlornebarkleyplz::iconalexprismaplz::iconapriletteplz::iconderek-soichiro:
Interests

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Comments


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:iconfudgenugget:
FudgeNugget Feb 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much for the fave~! Theres plenty more adoptables and such in my gallery ^^
Reply
:iconcodliet:
Codliet Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Heya Azzie! <3
We haven't talked for a while, and I know you've been a bit down in the dumps since October time, so how are you doing bby? :hug: :heart:
Reply
:iconmaicfarmer:
maicfarmer Jan 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the faveEmoji20
Reply
:iconvelven:
Velven Nov 17, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thanks so much for the watch and favs!! :iconlaplz:
Reply
:iconflabnbone:
FlabnBone Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for faving "In a Land of Faeries" :heart:
If you want to see more of my photography, like my FB page www.facebook.com/flabnbone.da
Reply
:icondarkeninglight666:
darkeninglight666 Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This one's for you, friend~

Reply
:iconzly-kt:
Tnx for the :+fav:!! :bow:
Reply
:iconpiipsy:
Piipsy Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:icontheodious:
TheOdious Oct 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the favs!
n ___ n
Reply
:iconwindy-san:
Thanks a lot for the favorite!! 
I really appreciate it :D Have a nice day!
Reply
:icongrondenez:
Grondenez Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fav :]
Reply
:iconfeed-me-cookiez:
feed-me-cookiez Sep 20, 2013  Student Photographer
thanks for the fave :) (Smile)
Reply
:iconrose74:
Rose74 Sep 18, 2013  Student Writer
Just wishing you a happy birthday. :wave: :iconrainbowbummiecakeplz:
Reply
:iconazeila:
Azeila Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much dear! :glomp:
Reply
:iconrose74:
Rose74 Oct 5, 2013  Student Writer
Awwww, you're welcome, and thank you for writing back! :giggle: I hope your birthday was filled with love, friends, and family. :huggle:
Reply
:iconcakemixx:
Cakemixx Sep 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Happy birthday!
Reply
:iconazeila:
Azeila Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks!!! :huggle:
Reply
:iconstingroll:
StingRoll Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday!
I hope you have a good one.
:party:
Reply
:iconazeila:
Azeila Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks mate! :hug:
Reply
:iconthewaffleninja:
TheWaffleNinja Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBY!! Q U Q :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupertighthugplz: 
Reply
:iconazeila:
Azeila Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
adlsfkjasldfkj THANK YOU WAFFLE!!! Q7Q :iconbrohugplz::iconbrohugplz::iconbrohugplz::iconbrohugplz::iconbrohugplz::iconbrohugplz::iconbrohugplz::iconbrohugplz:
Reply
:iconnepinrith:
NepinRith Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday :cake: :party:
Reply
:iconazeila:
Azeila Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks! :cuddle:
Reply
:iconbirthdays:
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's September 18th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: *LDFranklin
Reply
:iconazeila:
Azeila Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hehe, thanks! :la:
Reply
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