I'm not okay. I'm really not.
I've hit the lowest low I've ever felt in my life. And that's saying something.
Oh is that saying something.
I suffer from mental illness.
I suffer from major chronic depression to be precise.
And let me tell you, I suffer
I know I'll be okay.
I'm getting help.
The hardest part is trying to pick up the pieces that were shattered by me when I wasn't on my medication.
God, that's so hard to say. It makes me sound crazy. I guess maybe I am.
But I don't feel crazy. I feel like a normal person who has a bad disease.
And this disease is causing me to lose a lot.
But I'm getting help.
I know I'll be okay.
The depression made me do something horrible. It made me try to end my life.
That wasn't me. That drastic act of desperation, I would never do that.
There are many things I would never do or say, but did because I literally was not in the right state of mind.
And I have so much regret for what I did. So much remorse.
I'm trying so hard to pick up the pieces.
Having mental illness causes me to second guess my emotions.
Is it normal to feel this way? Or is it just my depression again?
But I'm on good medication now.
It's like night and day between how I feel when I do or do not take it.
During this dark time, I've had so many people come to me to help me.
People have given me cards, paid for plane tickets to get home, sent me letters of support.
They've let me know that they love me.
People I barely know have showed they care.
It's because of them that I know I will be okay.
I think I'm going to take a break from deviantart.
In all of this sadness, I find that writing and drawing give me little comfort.
I will come back though. Because like I said, I will be okay.
I promise I'll be okay.
Because like I said, I have good medication and amazing friends and family who have not abandoned me.
And I promise I'll respond to all of my messages.
I'm sorry about the RP groups I'm in or that I help run.
But right now I just need to take a long break.
I'm not sure when I'll be back. But I will be back.
If you actually read all of this, it most likely means that you care.
And if you care, that means so much to me.
I have some really amazing friends on DA, and it's because of you guys that I plan to return.
I love you guys.